Betrayal

“Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” (John 13:21b)Betrayal by a friend is a bitter pill. You taste it long after you’ve swallowed it and perhaps the memory of that taste never quite leaves you. You meet someone. He becomes your friend, then he decides to make your ministry his ministry. There is collegiality. Strength in sharing things along the journey. You talk about God and God’s work in the world. You help people together. You break bread together, drink wine together, laugh, share stories about your families, talk about your hopes for the future.Then something happens.Somewhere along the way, a small, imperceptible crack appears in the friendship. You have talked at times about the similarities in how you do ministry, who should be supported, where you hope to be at journey’s end. Yet suddenly, you know that has changed and you begin to wonder where things went wrong.It might be in the eyes averted. It might be in the missed appointment. It might have been in the silences that grows longer and longer. It might be something he says to another in your hearing.All you really know is that things have changed. There is now a yawning chasm between you and someone you love and trusted. Your soul is troubled, your heart heavy.In John’s account of the Last Supper, Jesus washes the disciples’ feet. Because Jesus of Nazareth is light and life, he knows darkness when he sees it or when he feels it. No doubt when he looks at Judas, he feels darkness. Maybe Judas averts his eyes when Jesus looks at him. Maybe he is just too quiet or he is sharp-tongued with the disciple sitting next to him at dinner. Maybe he pushes his food around the plate, hardly touching dinner that he usually eats with enthusiasm. Whatever it is, Jesus knows. Jesus knows that Judas is about to leave the group, to slip out of the room, to go betray him to the Temple authorities.Surely Jesus’ heart is heavy. He has shared a journey with Judas for three years, day in and day out. He knows Judas well—perhaps too well. Now, ever the loving host, he hands Judas some food. Then before Judas has swallowed the bread or meat, Jesus says “What you are going to do, do quickly.”I wonder if Judas ever looks at Jesus again before he kisses him in the Garden of Gethsemene. I doubt it. I suspect that Judas averts his eyes, then gets up from the Passover table, grabs his cloak and quickly leaves the room without speaking to anyone.Jesus’ next teaching to the disciples left at table is about love. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”This is a hard thing to do, is it not? It is easy enough to love your child, your spouse, your best friend. Yet to love some people is very challenging, because they are not all lovable. And what about the friend who has betrayed you? How do you love that one? How do you build a bridge across the yawning chasm that now exists after a bitter betrayal by a friend?I suspect that you just hold on to the fact that you are not alone in this betrayal business. Others have suffered this kind of pain before and others will suffer after you. You love anyway. You pay attention in case your friend makes a movement back to you. You love God, know he loves God, and you hope that one day, the love you both have for God will build a bridge back to each other.© The Rev. Dr. Sheila N. McJiltonPictures accessed through Google images.